Hardest time in my Life!

Another restless night and the list of things to do keeps growing! Getting ready for yet another meeting in 10 minutes and have so much on my mind!

After finding a few minutes to myself to think, I would say this is by far the hardest time in my life!

Dealing with an active toddler, crying(sick) infant, active dog, business, house, self and relationships is not an easy task. Will there be moments where things are not perfect, absolutely! To have people remind me of that is priceless.  All our friends who have multiple kids have warned us that having 2 kids is the hardest! Managing to give everyone attention and trying to set up a business is incredibly hard! It's nice to talk to people who are/have been in the same boat and know that all will be OK! Sometimes I beat myself up for letting things drop or let things get out of control but that's life. Life isn't perfect, everyone makes mistakes, have hardships, and lots of priorities the key is to pick yourself up, learn, and keep moving forward with grace!

Trying to manage relationships during this time is super hard. Seeing the way people react/ treat you and judge you during difficult time is also a huge lesson! No one can truly understand this but its nice to have compassion from people who have been through something similar!

I have huge expectations for things and sometimes when I fail it's hard to acknowledge you're mistakes and disappointments! I am thankful that I have this innate ability to learn from my mistakes and truly turn a negative into a positive!

This week is off a bit because poor Lex is fighting a cold. I am starting to feel sick also. Can't wait for my sister to get here to start helping out! I can't imagine not having any kind of help at all!

Huge thank you for all of you who have called/ messaged me and given me tremendous amount of support and understanding! XOXO

Here's my latest weight loss update!

NEED SOME SLEEP but GYM bound!

Had a really rough night! Baby slept all day yesterday and at night decided to party it up! I think I might have gotten a total of 4 hours of sleep :( I'm not going to complain though because I had a wonderful dinner last night with my husband! That bit of freedom was just what we needed to relax and clear our mind of all the stress and uncertainty!

We have selected our contractor, signed off on tons of paperwork and slowly moving forward with the build out! Definitely feel like a huge load is lifted but there is still much to do!

All this responsibility and obligation is not easy but I feel like I am learning so much about myself as we tackle all these hardships! I love growing as a person. It's not easy but totally worth it!

Heading to the gym now to acquire some energy and work off that amazing French food!

Here's my latest video! Enjoy!

What a MORNING!! I need a BREAK!!

Thank goodness I work from home! Today has been super busy and I can't get a moment to sit down and relax.

I was hoping to squeeze in some time for the gym but everything kind of hit me all at once!

To start, all this new pile of paperwork that needs to be filled out for the office was sitting there waiting to get processed. Then a phone meeting with our architect, landlord, finance guy and then finalizing things with contractor! There some critical decissions that need to be made and I have no brain power to evaluate our options because I'm so sleep deprived! In between I am changing diapers, feeding Lex and trying to relay info to Pavel.

I have my sister helping out but it's still seems like to much to handle. I just want to get out of the house and clear my head, but I doubt that opportunity will come because that pile of paperwork is still waiting for me!


Here's my last weeks weigh in if you're curious to see how I'm doing as far as weight loss is concerned. If time permits I would like to post today's weigh in but we shall see!

Weight Loss Sabotage from HUBBY!

Ok so I had a really good week as far as weight loss goes! Check out my video below to find out how much I lost! I do have to say I think my hubby is trying to sabotage my efforts though!

You guys know how much I love sweets so what does he do, bake cakes!!! That's right the man decides to  tempt me with his amazing cakes! Either he is trying to keep me plump or testing my will power! LOL Well my will power is not that strong so I do cave in but I'm practicing portion control! He does make one amazing Napoleon Russian Cake! Oh and the other day he offers me ice cream! Seriously this is not funny! I guess what doesn't kill me makes me stronger :)

In my video I share some of my weight loss rules I live by to help me shed the pounds and keep them off! Enjoy!

My ANXIETY Attack!

This huge overwhelming feeling of "I can't handle the pressure" took over me the other night! Tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably. I had these huge expectations as a mother, wife, sister, friend and business owner! Trying to take care of everything seemed unbearable. The main reason for my breakdown was because of Mila!

Mila was super sick last week and this huge sadness came over me when I couldn't hug her or comfort her because of fear that the baby will get sick. My husband has been doing a great job giving her attention but I had guilt because the baby demanded more attention from me and I didn't give much back to Mila.

The guilt grew so strong that I started to think I was a horrible mother! Why did I beat myself up like this!? The pooch also has been neglected by me and the guilt for not showing him love also has been eating at me! At night when everyone is as sleep, I make rounds hugging everyone and telling them how much I love them and how much I miss them!

 Although, I know my husband has been trying so hard to keep everything in balance but since I can't actually contribute to taking care of everyone has been creating this anxiety inside!

After going through some baby blues after having Mila I definitely wanted to avoid it this time around by being in sunshine, working out, going out, and having a great support system. Having 2 kids is definitely a challenge along with building a business that requires so many decisions made.

I didn't have a relationship with my mother growing up and I vowed to have one with Mila! Having this huge change take place is really painful! How am I ever going to grow my relationship with her when the baby needs me soo much!?

Mila has been misbehaving so much lately and I've been extra stern with her to the point where it seems there's more negative energy focused on her instead of positive. My husband would take over but it seemed as though she wouldn't listen to him.

I knew I was losing control of the situation and kind of didn't want to deal with it. Yesterday all these feelings, experiences and emotions collided within.

At that point I wanted to be selfish, and run away from all that responsibility. At that point I realized why I never wanted to have kids, so I would never have to give up my selfish ways. Once you have kids, everything you do revolves around them! I cried and vented to my husband how I don't want to do this anymore. Being a great husband he let me pout like a baby, gave me tons of hugs and said that everything is going to be ok.

In the morning the clear headed Kristina thought how silly it was of me to think of running away, and how we have it made! These wonderful Kids NEED us, love us and bring so much meaning to our life! Even though sometimes it does get challenging with discipline and giving everyone the right amount of attention we are truly blessed with the family we have! No one said it would be easy, but the reward of being parents is so wonderful! These little monkies will always love us!